Oh No!!!

What is a polar bear to do?

Global warming may kill off polar bears in 20 years, says WWF

I am Haolian Por!

Dear Joce jiejie,

I am so glad you remember me, even if not entirely correctly. To be precise, you are 50% wrong. And 50% right too, which constitutes a pass but I'm going to ignore the fact.

You are only right about the haolian bit. Ugly must be the impression you have formed of most everyone and everything after spending four months in a third-world city with first-world prices that happens to be spilling with obese women. I trust that you have not started on the downward spiral to decadence by partaking in the overindulgence of sex, booze and drugs. No amount of polyester will save you. In times of loneliness, think of me, for a change.

When am I ugly? When all the world is uglier.

Haolian? For want of a better word to describe the sheer unbridled honesty with which I proclaim my prowess, yes, I am haolian. And proud if it. Honesty is, after all, a lost virtue.

Since you haven't seen me and my broodmates for quite a while, here's a pic of Xiaopor (I remember with absolutely no ill-feeling you are very fond of him, much more than of me.) being kaypoh with three of the Bits. The little ones below are Minipors and Micropor.







Love,
:O

Stuff that make me very very cross

I lifted this from someone's blog. Someone I know, of course, since I was a baby polyester wonder. I don't understand humans at all. My gorge is rising.

it was a very memorable & thought-provoking wedding. yes, partly cos it's the 1st wedding i've attended of a friend's, in the past it's always been relatives & the such. no, this isn't one of those i'm-aging entries, although it IS a realisation.

the main factor as to y it left such a great impact was, how committed to God this couple was. truly, it was most inspiring & they've showed me what it really meant to have spreading the Word as the main objective of a Christian. in most weddings, even Christian ones, the main focus is generally on the bride & groom. i mean, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that for sure. not saying that pple forget abt thanking God for blessing them with the union in holy matrimony. they don't forget, i know they truly do thank God for that, from the bottom of their hearts.

but **** & ******* took it a step further tonight, not only did they thank God, they took the opportunity to spread His Word as well. being the centrestage for the evening meant that everyone, & i do mean everyone, would be listening to them, every word of their speech. isn't that such a wonderful opportunity to share the Word? when it was ****'s turn to make a thank u speech, she ended off with thanking all her relatives, friends & colleagues for taking time to be at the dinner & she hoped that all of them would get to know her very best friend, Jesus Christ. wow. & they followed up by presenting an item, as an act of appreciation. i can't quite remember the title now, but it went along the lines of, i could wish u happiness ... blessings ... riches, but i wish u Jesus ; i could wish u everything, but i wish u Jesus, cos when i wish u Jesus, i wish u everything. that was truly the sweetest & best gift anyone could give.

imagine if at every Christian wedding, the couple takes the opportunity to share the good news of God, how many more pple can get to know Him? i don't know if it's an effective method, but effectiveness is controlled by God & i'm quite sure even if noone at the wedding thinks abt finding more abt Christianity, they sure inspired me. that in itself, would be effective after all.

Disclaimer: NONE

It sure took them a long time

to confirm that hippos and whales are cousins.

Any bona fide TAF club member will tell you that he does not relish being likened to either.

Incidentally, a TAF club member is ever so subtly reminded of the exclusive membership criterion. Well done, MOE.

先下手为强，恶人先告状

女篮备战东运会
　　争取刘光宇归队
（联合早报：1月25日）
-----------------------------------------------------

● 吴秀金

　　随着前任教练与两名归化球员的离开，在上届东运会获得银牌的我国国家女子篮球队进行重组，并积极展开训练，备战今年东运会。

　　今年东运会将于11月底在菲律宾举行，新加坡女篮的目标是赢得金牌，但参加两年前东运会的阵容当中，教练凌光已在去年9月辞职，另外4名球员也先后离开。

　　新加坡篮总已经决定聘请马来西亚国家女篮现任教练刘东，填补空缺，他将在3月1日走马上任。

　　刘东（55岁）自1994年开始出任柔佛州篮球队教练，并在1996年起接管马来西亚国家队。在他的指导下，马国女篮曾3次获得东运会女篮赛的金牌，表现出色。

　　离开球队的4名女球员，有两名是归化球员。

　　两名原籍中国吉林省的姚修修（17岁）和李玲（18岁）在2000年到本地发展，她们和另外8名女球员是篮总引进外来球员计划下的第3批。她们都在2003年9月获得新加坡公民权，继而代表我国参加越南东运会。

　　姚修修在较早前拒绝代表新加坡参加亚洲18岁以下青年锦标赛，而且还私自离开新加坡。篮总曾3次致函，要求她归队，但她并没有回复。篮总因而决定提早与她解约。

　　身高1米83的姚修修，曾在去年9月于新加坡举行的东南亚锦标赛上获“最多得分奖”。

　　李玲则因为在伤愈归队后，在训练时被队长、领队和教练投诉行为和态度恶劣。篮总于是成立七人委员会进行调查，但李玲并没有悔改之意，篮总因此接受了她呈上的辞职信。

　　据了解，李玲可能加入我国国家英式女篮，继续为新加坡在运动场上争光。其他还留在队里的归化球员是李琳、张姝、赵婧和周蕾。

　　据了解，与姚修修等人同一时期到我国发展的女球员刘光宇，虽已在2002年7月回返中国，但她很可能重返新加坡。刘光宇（18岁）是当时同一批外来球员中，球艺最佳及最有潜力的球员。据说，她当时是到中国一所财经学院升学。

　　篮总计划争取她归队，回到新加坡发展。

　　国家女队目前一星期训练11次，男队则一星期训练4次。国家男队基本上保留了上届东运会第4名的阵容，今年将争取获得东运奖牌。除此之外，我国也将在6月举办东南亚男篮赛。

Reunion Dinner

My mama has been saying for the longest time she'll bring us somewhere for nice makan. I think it's going to be steamboat buffet or something because that's one of the only things my mama is willing to pay for. If not, it has to be some cheap hawker or zhir char.

It's supposed to be a pors-and-bits reunion dinner for Chinese New Year. There's a grand total of seven pors and four bits. Me, Xiaopor, Minipor I, Minipor II, Tinypor I, Tinypor II, Micropor; Bit I, Bit II, Bit III, and Bit IV. Bit I happens to be my brother. So we're supposed to troop down to some cheapskate eatery and celebrate the Year of the Green Wooden Rooster (which my mama has been looking forward to because her Fengshui Master says is good for her), the fact that we're all still alive, going to outlive my mama and have not gone missing yet.

Current choices for makan are, not in any particular order:

1) Turf City Steamboat/BBQ Buffet
2) Quality Hotel Buffet Supper
3) 北京能人聚 at Geylang Road

Such limited choices. None of them offers good fish, which all the pors love, and carrots, which the bits like. Anyone with better suggestions please tell me. Obviously, my mama doesn't really care about us. She's been wanting (half-heartedly) to take a family photo, a studio shot, no less. Those who believe her are fools. The best she can do is probably snap a digital shot of us at whichever makan place we end up, provided she can even get us all together in the first place. Last CNY, only three pors were at home together. The Cheras trip? It was supposed to be a family outing. But my mama forgot all about Micropor. And couldn't find Tinypor II, who was buried under an assorted pile of rubbish.

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the reunion dinner. All of us are just going to end up smelling like charred meat. Most of the pors are getting baths for CNY, except me, because I just had one for Christmas. It's just too bad that I'm losing polyester at an alarming rate. Oh well, I shouldn't complain since I get the most hugs and kisses right?

Lost in the Sea

My mama tried to learn swimming. Failed miserably. My mama just can't float. Sinks like a rock, the way I do. My mama attributes it to her dense muscles and lack of fats. In response to that, I would like to refer her to this.

While I baked in the car, my mama attemped to swim 5 metres. Nice try. Half the time, the waves were just buffetting her half-drowned pseudo-corpse around. To add insult to injury, the sea ate up her watch. So now my mama has to get a new watch. $43 at Mustafa. The question is, black (the exact same one) or white?

As you can see, my mama has no imagination at all.

Got so sway one meh?

Uncle Ngeow come back already. He pilot so fly here fly there one. I wanted to ask him the mata in 4773 what name so that I can make noise loud loud. He got store the info in his handfone. But guess what? Uncle Ngeow lost his handfone ah. Seriously, if you ask me, I think the matas stole his fone.

Gotta Love 'Em

Have you ever noticed how often polar bear photos make it to "Pics of the Year" and such? You got to see this. My mama has seen it a thousand times. Here's another one. Love the German accent. Viel spass!

QX 4773 Z

Wanna buy 4D?

For once, I shall post big big picture. Paiseh ah, abit blur. Taken with Auntie Hweechie's Z1010.



Mata ah Mata, you know double yellow line cannot park you still park? If lunch hour you on duty hungry want to dabao I still can forgive you. Maybe you eat already then got more energy to catch thief. Middle of the night so many empty lots some more free parking what you trying to do huh? You don't know how to parallel park is it? Then hang L plate and learn lah. My mama can teach you. Still down there kiao kah makan so slowly and lim kopi.

Uncle Ngeow got your names in his handfone. Wait he come back give me your names I will email to your towkay and let whole Singapore know also!

Rarr...

Irony

My mama's friend, Shark, said this, "How can life be full of irony? Irony implies meaning, which life is devoid of."

Irony? Why not buy me a watch?

Machine Washed

What's the best invention of the 19th century? Nobody ever votes for the washing machine. It's always the light bulb, or the telephone. Enough already. I'm in love with the washing machine. Prior to my spin on Christmas day, the last time I swam in one was more than three years ago. This time, I actually had fun struggling in a purple-and-white pillow case. Thank goodness I came out with my porpor molecules still correctly assembled. My mama melted into a puddle when she saw me. You would have too.

Since my mama only ever ogles at washing machines at Courts, Harvey Norman and Safe, somebody please offer practical advice. What's the best brand? Which is better, top or front load? I've done both. Top-load together with xiaopor, who simply refused to sink. He's got a cute head which bobs up and down in the water. Lots of people say xiaopor is cuter than me. Oh well. I have no comments on that. My mama was horrified by the whirr of white when I went front-load. So that was the last time she put me into a washing machine with her own hands. Anyway, now she's eyeing this new $1999 model sold at Courts. It's a washer-cum-dryer. Somebody stop her. $1999 could buy me 500 years of clothes.

I went to Cheras on boxing day in the purple-and-white pillow case since my mama insisted on preserving my immaculate state. This is me during the brief moment my mama couldn't resist the temptation to hold me sans pillow case.



Ten of us headed north 300 km just to watch a certain Johor giraffe play in the Agong Cup. The same giraffe out-dribbled everyone else at the special skills competition. Too bad we didn't have a chance to see her in action. My brother fell in love with a point guard named Guganeswaran, and insists on calling him "MY Govindasamy". He won the top assist award of the tournament. Let's hope he comes to Singapore in June for the SEABA Championship.

One thing I learned about the North-South highway is that it's really sleep inducing. Coffee doesn't help. Money doesn't either. I'm not sure who to thank that I'm still alive. But then again, I can't die, can I?


These are the laochios who were conned by my mama into making the trip.

Guess who?

My brother has decided to leave me at home instead of letting me absorb useless information in boring lectures. I wonder how safe it is having monks as neighbours. If a fire broke out, would the monks save their new maroon Mercedes E240 or me? It's not a very comforting thought. But I guess not all monks are bad. Some are regular nice chaps who love that bit of adrenaline rush from rappelling down buildings, risking frostbite and standing atop an A4-sized platform raised five stories high. Top of the world man. I could sit there forever.

Here's a photo I found somewhere while waiting for my brother to come home. Anybody knows the chiobu in the pic? Ok, I know the image is goddamn small and the eyes are covered but hey, ain't that the whole point? Haha.

Rituals

I know 1 Jan 2005 came and went all too quickly. I know I didn't say Happy New Year to anyone. Hey, I've been trying to enjoy the twelve days of Christmas ok.
On the first day of Christmas, my brother gave to me, a warm spin in Dynamo sea... More on that later, if I'm in the mood. Anyway, ushering in the new year is just another silly ritual, like brushing your teeth in the morning. Your teeth. I don't have any. But I do pack a mean bite. Rituals offer solace in a world of random cruelties. Try depriving my mama of her Milo in the mornings...