Free Viking Ride

I love my girlfriend. She became a security guard for four hours so that I could get a ride on the Viking. (Ok Brother, I know you did too.) Poor Girlfriend (and Brother and other mad friends wearing orange T-shirts) had to patrol the area around Orchard MRT station and do dangerous stuff like sniff out bombs.

Falling from heights is nothing new to me. My mama likes to throw me high up in the air then catch me. She's never missed before, even when I do multiple somersaults with twists. So all the restraint I had was one scrawny girlfriend arm. Throughout the ride, one person was screaming. Only one. The same person also clung on tightly to my girlfriend's free arm, which actually wasn't all that free since it's connected to the hand holding onto the railing. This is so wrong. Shouldn't I the boyfriend be the only one who gets to cling onto the girlfriend's arm?

Guess who the culprit is. I shall not shame him/her by naming names here. But since all of porpor is a heart, I shall give the culprit some credit. For being smart enough to refuse to hold me for the ride lest he/she releases his/her grip in sheer terror.

Penguin Socks

This post is for Xueling Jiejie, who bought me these.

The ruler is for size comparison. So small and cute, just like me. Thanks Xueling Jiejie! She says she chose green because my brother likes green. So nice of her. =)

See my happy feet? They're like mantou (which my mama loves to eat) and obviously can't fit into them cute socks, so I'm going to wait till the latest miniature mobile phone comes into the market. Then penguinsock-left shall turn into a phone pouch! In the meantime, give me some ideas about what i can do with penguinsock-right, other than showing it off...

The Ugly Yellow Gate

My mama discovered one of the reasons the ugly green gate is locked. Terrorists.

Poor jiejies and gorgors taking the exams in the hall are attempting a paper that is jointly offered by Cambridge and our local education ministry. See here, Cambridge is in UK. UK? Tony Blaire? George W? See the link?

Apparently, it is of no use that our local education ministry is involved. It's not enough that multi-racial we study together and we're one united people regardless of race, language or religion. Terrorists are very clever and don't give a damn for this pretence. They're going to drive a bomb laden van, park it behind the canteen and the junior college institution at Tin Hill Road will have to relocate the second time in its checkered history. This time though, I'm sure the Institution gets to shift to somewhere nearby because "we are now one big farmily [sic]".

All just because the jiejies and gorgors are taking an angmoh paper.

Assuming the terrorists are not suicide bombers, the ugly green gate stops them from hiding at the basketball courts and thus detonating the bombs from afar. It also stops them from firing at student athletes with assault rifles. The courts are a dangerous place because the students can't take cover in such an open space.

The ugly yellow gate is the last line of defence against the said terrorists. Equipped with the latest design meant to deter the most determined of them terrorists, it also comes with little wheels so that it can be easily pushed away in case you are the chicken rice uncle or the Great Hero instead of an Osama bin Laden minion.

Speaking of the Great Hero, his office is lagi protected from the terrorists by a slope. Deprivation of sunlight and activity from hiding in caves has made terrorists an unfit bunch. They would certainly think twice about ascending the treacherous incline just to bomb the Great Hero.

Anyway, if you happen to receive a tip-off from a terrorist, remember to ask for his (or her) name, address and contact number. Remember to do it! It's a directive issued by the local education ministry. And while you're at it, ask if he and his friends are hiding behind the ugly green gate.

I'm back!

Missed me? Well, I'm back!

I've been pretty busy. Ok, this is an excuse. I went on a 2-hour trek to Changi Airport with my brother and the classmates. Of course, I had fun as my brother did the walking while I just sat happily in a blue bag.

This is me in the blue bag attempting the flying fox.
The rest of the 2 days at the east end of the island was spent watching my brother cultivate fat cells. Does anyone get sick of cup noodles, biscuits and other assorted junk?

The whole concept of "class chalet" is pretty strange. Hang out together for three days, two nights and nuah? Apparently, there is nothing better for students in Singapore to do during their school holidays. But of course, nuah-ing is a blissful activity, provided I'm involved. Ever held me in your arms? You should try.

Christmas is coming soon. I'm supposed to be getting a new outfit. All black, with fish-shaped buttons. My brother promised to sew it for me. A design brief was supposed to have been submitted weeks ago to my mama. Of course, this did not happen. I don't even know where the nice fabric and buttons are now. Brother, I'm not very happy!!! =(

By the way, do you know that Despair, Inc. had been awarded a registered trademark for the 'frowny' emoticon by the United States Patent and Trademark Office? Read about the hoo-hah here.

Hey, I'm not very greedy. All I want for Christmas is world peace. And more of everything good, which includes new clothes. Oh, and somebody make me a paper aeroplane. Please? Those sufficiently nice to me this festive season will get a personalised e-card with my paw print. How about that?

Por wants a mobile phone

I want a mobile phone (with camera features)!

Actually, do i really need one? With my (i.e. god's) level of intelligence and competency, i do not have to communicate via a device. A communication tool is in no way more superior than me (don't forget: all of me is a heart!).

Anyway, back to my desire of wanting to own a mobile phone. This is for two very simple reasons. Firstly, it is obviously because i have a covet for one. Secondly,i would want my mama to take pictures of me. I may not be as photogenic as my cousins, the koala bears, but me being pulchritudinous and cute will definitely make up for that.

I believe a handphone is not necessary for me to effectively and efficiently relate and keep in touch with others. How am i to do it then?

Like this.

I am a polyester wonder!

The Ugly Green Gate

Where my brother and my girlfriend train with their school team is an ugly green gate that is a bastion of sheer stupidity. In the hallowed temple soon to be exalted as an institution, any activity that serves not to further its status as a premier educational facility is a frivolity, unless the particular activity happens to help garner some nonsensical award that is merely a salve for the wounded pride and squandered youth of those without whom the institution would be a non-entity.

What does "sustained achievement" mean to you? An achievement is an achievement is an achievement. But no, winning once is not enough. You have to win thrice. In a row!Oh, but if you can't strike gold, fourth position for three years running is fine too, it beats even the situation of alternating a championship with a non-podium finish.

Anyway, back to the ugly green gate. Everybody has a key to it but those who need it. Reason? The micro fluctuations in air pressure caused by bouncing a rubber ball on concrete is somehow amplified by the sanctity of the late Tan Sri Dr Runme Shaw to become mega-decibel noise inside the hall named after him. Poor unfortunate souls onto the GCE Holy Grail. They have ultra sensitive ears. Anybody considered switching off the fans that whirr above their heads? GCE does not respect the inverse-square laws of energy.

Of course, there're other reasons. Fall down somewhere or impale yourself on some object. As long as it happens on the wrong side of that green gate and you become a quadriplegic, the sinner who provided the key shall suffer a fate worse than yours. I cannot imagine how though. This reason is strangely seasonal. You can only get hurt in the holidays. Out of touch with your books, you shall be stupid enough to trip over your own shadow. Deprived of P.E. lessons, you shall be weak enough to die from a mild contusion.

If these don't make sense to you, there's always the flat "NO", served straight up. No training during the school term, do that in the holidays. No training in the holidays, you have to catch up on your work. No training after 7 and before 3 and please be reminded that lessons end at 5.20pm and by the way, we do want the silverware although it's not important.

A balanced education is like a balanced diet. Seen the food pyramid?

My mama tells me before the green gate, there used to be this hoop jamming contraption. It's a metal bar with some clasp that can be secured with a padlock. No prizes for guessing where all eight of them were deployed. I'm in awe of the sheer brilliance of those people who discovered the convenience of one key over eight.

I'm cross because I have to stay in my brother's bag while my girlfriend grovels at the feet of some stranger for the key to the green gate. Don't you know I need to get enough sun to smell heavenly, as opposed to just nice. I'm upset because by the time my brother and girlfriend get to play some ball, it rains. Don't you know I hate being damp? I'm angry because every time my brother and girlfriend train, it's in some unfamiliar place where I have to keep quiet because it's foreign territory. Don't you know I'm very talkative and have a million things to say?

Come on, it's just a key.

I am Khan, Genghis Khan

It is not sufficient that I succeed. Everyone else must fail!

Sun, Sand and Sea on Saturday

Yours truly had a wonderful date with the girlfriend. An idyllic Saturday that was marred by idiots to whom the highway code is truly cryptic.

If you can't cycle or rollerblade or choose to do either very slowly for whatever reason, for god's sake (i.e. mine) please keep to the left. Alternatively, stay at home! You twerp...

The girlfriend had several near accidents. There I was with my cute little head poking out of cozyfilabag enjoying the breeze and the poor girlfriend had to weave in and out amongst dumb kids and their even dumber parents. Sudden braking was performed with such regularity that I could have turned into the Merlion. But I had a good time. That's what you get when someone else does all the work.

Then there was the sunset. I think the sun is camera shy. Maybe I'll try again some other time.

I shared a packet of Nestle honeyed cornflakes with the girlfriend. I'm using the word "share" although I only ate one flake (because all of Porpor is a heart). No candlelight, but the disappearing sun did a good job in providing a romantically light-deprived setting. Perfect for making out. Heh.

Supper was MacDonald's fries. Large. The girlfriend obviously hadn't had enough of me and had to take it out on herself. I wish she'd listen to me, guru of dieting (and most other things as well, to grossly understate facts).

If I were Santa, I'd give the girlfriend a voucher to visit Expressions. You get one too, if you write me fan mail. But they don't do artery unclogging do they? Cosmetic surgery?

What You Don't Know About Fat...

... could kill you.

Fat cells: The average person has 40 billion of them. They multiply, they're almost impossible to kill and they're sending messages to your body that can ruin your health.

If you think otherwise, you are dead wrong.

Haven't you heard? Brain cells grow old and die, but fat cells live forever. Can't figure it out? Refer to first half of previous statement.

Get some polyester.

This public health announcement has been brought to you by all-of-porpor-is-a-heart :O.

Are you an animal?

I think I could turn and live with animals,
they are so placid and self-contained,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.
-- Walt Whitman

I'm an animal, are you?

A riddle for everybody!

Guess the thing that i am talking about! :) The clues are given below:

Clue no 1:
It is something that my mama likes (to pinch?...)... :O!

Clue no 2:
A glistening, unctuous sphere, similar in shape to my favourite sago seeds! :p!

Clue no 3:
It can supply to the body's energy needs!

Clue no 4:
When consumed or present in excess can result in diabetes or cardiovascular diseases! (oh my! how fatal...) C:

Clue no 5:
In the past, it was seen as attractive, likeable and fashionable. It was once much sought after and well-preferred by people. As a result, certain models had been set up by both the trend setters and followers. They became universally regonised but had since, only leave behind vague memories in most people today. It was an enigmatic fad.

That's enough clues for ya! Happy solving! Remember to post your answers! The person with the correct answer will receive a mysterious prize from :O! ...Why forgo your chance at receiving that precious gift from me? So...start wrecking your brains now!
Hear from me soon! :O!